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OK so here is the question, when you have something wonderful why do you long for somethin else?
Why can't I keep my thoughts from straying... I really am starting to believe I've got a self destructive personality, but hey just another part of being a fucked up kitty huh?Current Mood:  cynical Current Music: Levellers - 15 years |
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OK but where to start
Well Lincoln is nice it's a little quiet tho, but I've made some nice friends here, Mostly with a group of Role-Players / LARPers who are ace, spend alot of my time at Carol or Raines which is kinda the 2 places everyone goes to to hang out.
Also as i said before I found a Mel, tho I don't really see her alot she and other friends made thru her and others often seem busy with uni work and the such, which is a shame because Mel, James, Kim, Ren especially I get on so well with but don't get a chance to see them often :(
Had a job for a while, working for satan herself in Tele-sales for Olan Mills, hated it with a passion, job sucked, area manager was a cock, work colleagues annoyed the fuck outta me sometimes it goes one, until they went bankrupt and closed down, but they were smart enough to fire me just before for supposedly bad performance so that they could try and save money.
Since then been a bit of desperate struggle for money as I've been on Jobseekers, and housing benefit that's £90 short of my rent per month which is sucking major cock, but applied for another job yesterday so hopefully with any luck and hope i'll snag this one.
now about £700 in debt but hey gotta think positive.
LARP wise still getting to go to FnH tho alot less, Been to Derby, Leeds, Sheffield up here really enjoying playing Bjorni, there's an odd irony in playing a crowan Priest who doesn't like combat and would rather see peace.
However lots of undead to beat up cause they don't count :D
I'm really glad I took the time to head down to the banquet, I still owe Mark for the train fare but I really enjoyed seeing everyone again it made me so happy (dunno if I showed it that well) but I've missed alot of people and seeing them made me alot more stable.
Stated playing DnD alot, got a Paladin called Raice Groundrunner (Yup the names back) evil hating crazy zealot type character witha talking sword that just rocks, also just started a new one, play a Gnome cleric of luck who's a total coward he he :D
Had no money over Crimbo so had a bit of a skint Christmas, got a couple of presents, Three Inches of Blood album, this box of "magic" tricks my mum got me, general odds and sods, also got to go home and saw people again which was also nice, popped into my old pub saw the old locals it's nice to be remembered lol.
Health wise, I've been diagnosed with IBS stress related the doctor thinks which explains alot of situations over the last couple of years and the stomach pains.
I also may have manic Depression, I have been showing all the major symptoms and it wouldn't suprise me if I did, it again would explain a fair chunk of my life something I think i'm just going to have to learn to live with get on with and try and make ok, tho I dunno if I truelly can.
However I have also hardly been drinking only a few glasses of whiskley here and there, for the most part I've been sober most of the time, scary huh?
Daisy wise we are still together, celebrating our 2 years together soon which is wonderful, she's so special to me... the first person I've met that I know without doubt truelly can put up with the full brunt of my insanity and deepression, mood swings and shit, to blinding happiness and over the top egotism.
For the I love her and cherish her cause she's amazing to me.
Been thinking alot about life and beliefs too, people trying to tell me things worth believing in, Deities, Spirits etc things I never have and never will comprehend.
Why can't we just believe in ourselves? there's more to humans than I think we give ourselves credit for, I think we're too blinded by science and religion are desperate need to find a creator to give us boundries.
I dunno the theory isn't fully sound yet as I'm sure you can read just5 the ramblings of a crazed guy
Well that's about it, if anyone wants to ask anything you know where to catch me.
PaulCurrent Mood:  blank Current Music: Lordi - Would You Love A Monster Man |
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So yeah got to Lincoln ok, all settled now that Marcs back, seeing Daisy alot more, of and for the collage lot remember mel and Carl?
well they both live in Lincoln and I met Mel and her new fella the other week and mnade alot more new friends, so yeah slightly more bearable up here than I thought it was gonna be :)
Hope everyones ok back home I dunno when I'll be down but I will try don't you worry. |
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Thinking about the future and my feelings can be quite messy as most of you know, I've always hidden myself behind anything I can, but even now a thought runs thru my little mind, about my friends, my family.. the ones I leave behind in two days time,the "Bruvs" our little collective of guys, the people I became so close to thru FnH, people at work that even tho they can be annoying are great people at heart, Of course there's also HER the coverted woman whom no matter what my feelings will never feel them back. but even after so many years I can still call her my friend stil care for her emensly without her noticing or me being hateful about it.
In the end this collection of people, this gaggle of humans are the only people I've got in this world and I'm about to let them all go in a serious way, with of course the one exception of Marc and I'm glad about that if there was anyone worth moving in with it's him, bearing in mind he's one of the few people able to keep me sane.
So a new start, a new life without my parents as my safety net... wish me all luck guys cause i'm going to be needing it if this new life is going to get anywhere.
So I shall be away for a little while, goodbye guys and don't forget i'm here you all know how to contact me if you need me.
PaulCurrent Mood:  anxious Current Music: Savage Grden - To the Moon & Back |
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 | You scored as You have the Gift of Empathy. You have been blessed with the gift of Empathy. Even though it is a heavy burden to carry the pain of others, know this that you can help them. Though I must advise you to learn how to not take their pain upon yourself and drag you down
You have the Gift of Empathy | | 94% | You have the Gift of Discernment | | 88% | You sadly do not recognize your gift yet | | 75% | You have the Gift of Wisdom | | 75% | You have the Gift of Perception/Aura Vision | | 25% | You have the Gift of a Seer | | 19% | </td>
What is your gift?(PICS)
created with QuizFarm.com |
Current Mood:  content Current Music: Live - Overcome |
| » (No Subject) |
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Ok I'm gonna do varying headings to do with diferent parts of my life skip em if you don't care.
Family
Had my brothers wedding and it went fantastically, I'm really glad how it went.
Got 2 boxes for being best man which it cool, and I got to be with Daisy... it was really nice alot of love in the air, infact I almost asked her to marry me but I decided not to steal my brothers thunder.
Moving:
Date is set for the end of July begining of August, I'm going to phone up the Lettings company soon and sort that out but in less than 2 months I will be living in Lincoln, don't worry I'm not gonna be a northerner... just pretend and spy on them.
Job wise I'm looking at the Mitchell and Butler site see if I can get a trasnfer over to a pub up there, if I can then I'm sorted and don't have to panic about job finding.
Daisy:
Everythings going well with her, we've had a couple of arguments but I think it's all sorted out and good now it's never anything serious really dunno why it happened, I guess it's natural tho... and generally leads to make up sex when were together so can't complain.
FnH:
Going well Skinner still hasn't died yet which suprises me actually thought it was gonna happen ages ago, but 2 years now going for 3, although I may loose my position before I reach that stage, either thru bordom or being booted out.
Anyway that's all from me right now, have fun kids i'll try and write more
Paul
"I don't need no one to tell me about Heaven"
Jun. 2nd, 2006 @ 08:53 pm
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| » Haven't really had much care |
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For this lately, but I guess this will be a good update if anyone reads it.
Lifes really looking up... Hopefully I will be moving to Lincoln in July if I can get the money together, freedom :)
I'm really looking foward to it and working hard to get it i just hope it all works out, then i'll finally be able to start a good life.
Apr. 21st, 2006 @ 10:58 pm
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| » Hello friends |
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just an update to say that I had one of the best weekends of my life this weekend.
I got to daisy's late on friday night, then went shopping on sunday, walked into Viod (Gothic clothing store in Nottingham) with D and there I was in bright blue in the middle of a shop with wall to wall black, I felt proud.
Saw Immy, and met some more of Ds friends.
Sunday I took D on a spontaneus picnic... well I say picnic it was sunny so I took her to the shop I bought some Bread Rolls, meat, cheese, doritos and drink and made sandwiches in the middle of the park and sat and ate them, it was silly but funny.
I also managed to eat brocolli, go me it's rare for me to touch any green vegetable.
Met Ds friend Kiria (spg) on monday too, she seems nice enough which is cool cause it means D is all happy.
But yeah then had the usual boring train ride home, but it was more than worth it.
Hope all you kids are well and happy and I shall hopefully see you all soon.
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Arieel Silverwing - The Midnight Warrior
Mar. 8th, 2006 @ 10:16 am
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| » So there I was |
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Dressed as BattleSmith Skinner in Chain and Plate, sheild, 2 swords (1 blessed) and a hammer and a huge pouch of Alchemy.
I Walk out into the hiring square and see a peasent man who looks abit like Baron Kent, as I get closer I user the party back and step foward alone as he drinks a potion [Foretell Future] he then smacks me in the chest with an Encahted venom hatchet and tells the party to get back or he will Invis me [meaning my death count would run out before i reappearred], he then heals me with a Purge Poison and a Body heal cure all my wounds and wakes me, then pours another potion down my throat [Truth Tell], he then askes "Are you a Nighthawk" my responce is "No I'm a Guildmaster" so he corsses his arms and forsakes this future...
... But under normal circumstances everyone would revert back to their original positions from when the potion was drank... however i may have been coughcursedcough, so I look up and shout "NO EFFECT what you saw was a false vision" and Baron Kent suddenly realises that this is all happeneing, he quickly explains himself and Skinner likes the reasoning (and the 10 crowns he gave him for his troubles)
So i came close to death (because if he had of invised me then forsaken the future it would have taken effect and I'd be dead) in the hiring square with no bad guys around.
However he then went on to hire the party to go and deal with some bandits, now thanks to my Sin I decided to try and get them to drop their weapons, sadly they didn't, anyway we then end up in the pit and get teleported to Crack Island.
Where we have Obey spells such as "Sunbathe, massage people, stop him sunbathing, dance & tie everyones shoelaces together" aong with Writhe the waves...
This is getting a little bit more than silly by the end of this encounter, anyway it then went on alot longer with snowmen andcrazys stuff then being teleported back into the hole.
But I made ladders on the island cause i'm clever.
so we then get out the pit and I take my only wound of the day, my right arm, i did however use 2 Mighty Strengths and only had 2 points of armour leftso yeah I got kicked but it was fun to fight for a change.
I'm really considering going Devotee, I think if this idea I have for the Blacksmiths doesn't get passed then I'm just gonna stand down from the position and go Devotee.
on to the real world...
On a more sombre note, my friend Kit from college passed away recently, so it's a real shame he was a good man, always so happy and real, i guess I feel like after all i've done to my body it should have been me before someone like him.
Rhia I wanna say sorry I know I've not been around much and I hadn't read your LJ, if you ever need me I'm, here for you hun that isn't ever going to change even if we do talk less, I care and always will.
I had a huge row with Daisy saturday night, on my walk home from Chris's birthday I gave her a ring to say goodnight and she starts goiong on about hiow drunk and high she is.. and after promising me she wouldn't touch weed it kinda stung, then made it worse by telling me she'd done it before, so we argued and in truth I got close to breaking up with her but it's ok now.
That caused hardly any sleep saturday night and not much last night so i also really fucked up at work today.
Going to see her on friday which is good having another weekend off, not alot else I can say really.
Keep happy kids
Feb. 27th, 2006 @ 09:49 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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 | You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.
Captain Jack Sparrow | | 75% | Batman, the Dark Knight | | 75% | William Wallace | | 67% | Indiana Jones | | 67% | James Bond, Agent 007 | | 58% | Lara Croft | | 58% | Neo, the "One" | | 50% | Maximus | | 50% | The Terminator | | 42% | El Zorro | | 42% | The Amazing Spider-Man | | 42% | </td>
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com |
Feb. 23rd, 2006 @ 08:56 pm
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| » Right |
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Been working hard lately, since I went top portsmouth at the beginning of the month the only other day I've had off was last sunday and I don't have another day off until the comming tuesday and it's not even like I've had any proper time off in this 8 working day period, and yes it is starting to kill me but I need the money that desperatly, the only thing I'm fopcusing on right now is that I get 2 days off the comming week and then the weekend after I'm going to see daisy again :D which just makes me happier than I can easily explain, but it does mean I will be missiong Portsmouth next month *hides* Hannah I'm sorry! but it will be worth it.
My brothers wedding is getting ever closer and I don't know what to do about his stag night or anything like that, I've booked the days off work and the tickets for D will be easy but I'm all running around going nuts.
Some good news dave C (Sir OX) and Kaz have set the date too tho they only said october so either way I wish them both really well.
Summer is however drawring closer, I can feel the weather warming already and that is making me feel better, mow I haven't got to pack the layers on to stay warm, just a jacket and glves suffices, really can't wait till the heats back I iss it so...
Oh and may The crack smoking Pete duo that is Fragile and Stinky be forever cursed with Fluffy Bunnies for the plot sticks they have beaten me with!!
Tho I have found my Arieel kit, cool set of robes, I shall show peeps when I can afford!
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Arieel Silverwing - The Midnight Warrior
Feb. 18th, 2006 @ 10:39 pm
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| » Sweet Serenity! |
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 | You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and donâ??t enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.
Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) | | 88% | Serenity (Firefly) | | 88% | Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) | | 81% | SG-1 (Stargate) | | 81% | Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) | | 75% | Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) | | 75% | Moya (Farscape) | | 63% | Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) | | 56% | Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) | | 50% | Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) | | 50% | Enterprise D (Star Trek) | | 44% | FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) | | 31% | </td>
Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com |
Feb. 9th, 2006 @ 08:57 pm
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| » OK about to go to work thought I'd update |
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Had an interesting few days, I think Vicky is now avioding me after I beat off her drunken advances at work with words like "My girlfriend would take my nuts off" you know a girl must be past the level where you can serve her when she's hitting on me!
Made some wedding invitations for my Brother yesterday... I'm really dredding being best man now... I guess I'm just worried things wont go right you know, it's my brothers wedding ya know.
Right off to the grind, and today i get to work with Ryan yay... please note sacrasm!
Feb. 1st, 2006 @ 07:07 pm
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| » Into the fires of forever, We will fly thru the heavens... |
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... yeah well um DRAGON FORCE ROCKED LIKED GODS OF ROCK!!!!!!!
erhum... err sorry had to um get that off my chest, yeah they were good... very good infact tho now my libs ache and my throat is sore from singing and I gotta work tonight but I don't care it was good, plus D looked drool worthy, Velvetyness and a corset and yeah she is teh sex!
Rest of the weekend was nice, sat around snuggled up and together with her and stuff.
Hmm I'm all loved up which is good, tho it's a shame I missed the banquet it sounds cool.
Better update when I have more time
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Arieel Silverwing - The Midnight Warrior
Jan. 30th, 2006 @ 04:24 pm
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| » Ahh 7th level |
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The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
Jan. 19th, 2006 @ 09:42 pm
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| » OK ok I'll update |
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GHot a nudge off Hannah cause I haven't updated in a week, so I thought I'd better update or get bitched at I imagine.
Been working mostly general daily grind, talking with D in the evenings, it's great we've grown slightly further apart I think, but only to the point where it works. She's no longer phoneing me all the time when I don't come online and the such which means I'm not getting as annoyed, which means less arguing. so all good all round I believe.
Saturday night she went out with some of her friends so with nothing else to distract me I played WoW from about 6pm to 1am. Ran the Dead Mine with the help of Ann fior 2 low level characters. bearing in mind this Instant is meant for Level 20 - 25 roughly, and me at 36 and ann at 50 ran a level 14 and a level 20 though it without any problems.
Sunday I went to Bath for LARP it was all a bit odd Bath without Snagg and Neil, but went for it anyway, had a good time it was indeed fun as ever, went to new un-discovered (according to James) parts of the bath site, they have a crater it's really cool!
Had monday off spent it asleep until 4pm, bearing in mind the previous 2 nighta I got only a few hours sleep.
Then played WoW, chatted to D general gubbins.
Yesterday I was at work most of the day, then had a staff party type meeting thing, got very drunk and stumbled home at 4am.
Woke up this morning and had a huge hang over and abad tummy but it was fun none the less lol.
My christmas present to myself came today, a bolt holster for my leg and some studded leather vambraces.
Jen has been talking to me randomly but only about crap so I dunno what's going on there, maybe she's testing if I stil have feelings, who knows.
Going to see D on either friday the 27th or sat the 28th which mens I sadly miss the Banquet and Wombles party but I miss D more as I haven't seen her in a month, sp all planned out, also going to see Dragonforce with her on the 29th which is gonna be great :D.
After reading Han's recent post, I'm gonna refrain from commenting on anything other than that I do wish you both well.
All in all been a good week nothing really to be complaining about., hope everthing is going good for everyong else.
Have fun Kiddies
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Arieel Silverwing - The Midnight Warrior
Jan. 18th, 2006 @ 05:34 pm
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| » Tonight In A Whisper So We Wont Be Found... |
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Sitting here listening to AFI very loudly so I can't hear my mum and my sister arguing over crap, I seriously want out of this place now.
Kep havin thoughts about how I can move to be with D but no matter what I do or think it's impossible I gotta either find a job while I'm up visiting her which is unlikely cause even once I've done that I can't start for a month. Or I find somewhere to live get it and have enough money to pay the rent while I look for a job which again ain't gonna appen anytime soon so i dunno how to work this one out, all I know is I want outta this place anywhere is better than here.
WOW wise my Alt has a Guild Dominaris a Guild ran by Belle she was trying to poach Bjorni away from Helldesk but as I said so are two other Guilds but I signed up with Zorin which is still me at heart.
he's not lvl15 too I'm going for lvl20 before I start on Bjorni again.
FnH wise I had a really odd mission on sunday
Han, Eddie sorry I missed Maiden Head thru varying complications and that I had to work till 15:00 on sunday meant that I wasn't able to make it. sorry.
Turned up about 15:15 and the mission was stuill in the Hiring square Fluff wanted me to play so I did, we then went on a weird mission of Time travelling freakyness all thank's to Stinky, I really enjoyed it mostly cause I'm a perceptive bastard and saw a few things.
Han you have my guild book yes? I plan to be coming to Pompey on the 4th sunday hope I can get it off you then.
Larp wise I'm thinking of going to maelstrom if I can but I will have to see because it falls around my brothers wedding.
That's all for now kiddies have fun
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Arieel Silverwing - The Midnight Warrior
Jan. 10th, 2006 @ 09:51 pm
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| » Yes I'm updating, shock horror |
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OK yeah real life is kinda the same as ever, D is ill which sucks but we're trying to arrange stuff tho I think my boss got the wrong end of the stick over what weekend I want off I shall have to sort that out with her I guess.
FnH wise had a fairly good time at Bristol it was good to get to adventure with Ellie and Ollie especially seen as we had a fantastic team crossbow thing going on with me and Ollie.
Got my shield back too.
Wow wise Bjorni is now Lvl 35 with 225 cooking, 210 leather working, 256 Skinning so that's going well and Anni and Ami have taken control of the guild and are trying to make it better so go the Helldesk hopefully it'll all pan out.
Other than that it's been slow and boring, working tomoz so i may or may not get to go the FnH tiomoz I will probably be at the pub after mind.
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Arieel Silverwing - The Midnight Warrior
Jan. 7th, 2006 @ 08:57 pm
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| » Yionk!!! |
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Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
( See Arieel's results. )
Jan. 6th, 2006 @ 08:05 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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1) Was 2005 a good year for you?
It was average, had some very good monents but lots of very shit moments.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
I know what it was but I can't speak it (You know what that moment is it will always be one of the happiest of my life)
3) What was your least favourite moment of the year?
Realising that my fears are getting the better of me and that I could be alot happier now if they didn't
4) Where were you when 2005 began?
At my preivious Pub getting pissed.
5) Who were you with?
Edd and pup locals
6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?
Sitting around my house playing WOW by the looks
7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
Myself
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?
Nope
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
Not really
10) Did you fall in love in 2005?
Yeah I did
11) If yes, with who?
... (you know it's you)
12) If yes, do they know?
Yes.
13) Are you still in love with them?
Yeah I am
14) You regret it?
Yes and no depends on how you look at it
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
No acctually
16) Did you make any new friends in 2005?
Yes yes I did
17) Who are your favourite new friends?
Rhia, Hannah
18) What was your favourite month of 2005?
July, week long free house
19) Did you travel outside of the the country in 2005?
No I didn't.
20) How many different countries did you travel to in 2005?
one
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
Lost a few friends due to drifting apart and yeah.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
I missed alot of people.
23) What was your favourite movie that you saw in 2005?
Episode III.
24) What was your favourite song in 2005?
The JCB song.
25) What was your favourite record in 2005?
... didn't really buy any albums so
26) How many shows did you see in 2005?
none too busy.
27) Did you have a favourite concert in 2005?
Nope
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
I drank a more than average ammount yes
29)Did you do any drugs in 2005?
Nope don't touch it anymore.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005?
erhum
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Yes a few things, quite big things.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
... erhum
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
Yeah I did tho they don't know.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
Oh yesh
36) How much money did you spend in 2005?
too much
37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?
Lasting a year in fnh
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
I dunno.
Band of the year:
Dragon Force
Cigarettes smoked this year:
None
Beer consumed:
too much
Time spent on wheels:
not alot
New Years Resolution(s):
I don't have any in all honesty and I have 4hours and 10 mins to think of a few.
Have a good new years guys I'll be here lol.
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Arieel Silverwing - The Midnight Warrior
Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 07:38 pm
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